Why It’s Crucial To Love Yourself Before Being in a Relationship

My whole life I felt like something was missing. I remember never being truly happy as a young girl because I felt like I needed something outside of myself to change in order for me to be happy, and I was always looking for that something. First, it was a change in environment. Then, it was material things. Then, it was a change in my eating habits and body. Then, it was a person. These things would make me feel good for a little bit, but then, obviously, I’d go back to feeling sad and empty. There were many points in my life where I thought I truly loved myself, but now I look back and laugh because I was far from it. Honestly, it wasn’t until a few weeks ago that I finally felt what it’s like to truly feel whole and happy on my own & completely in love with myself WITHOUT anything external giving me that feeling. And I know now that everything I went through in my life has led me to this very moment, and boy oh boy was it worth it.

I met my first love when I was 18 and was very depressed, anxious, and honestly didn’t like myself too much. Everything finally made sense when I met him because I felt like he took all of that pain away and saved me from myself. I also felt like he was my other half and the piece I felt like I was missing from myself. It was clearly very naive of me to think that someone else could be the answer to all of my problems and my internal emptiness, and that someone else could “complete” me. It was also a very dangerous way to think, because I ended up getting so lost in someone else that I forgot about myself. Every time we would fight or get into an argument, I couldn’t focus on anything else until the argument was resolved. Every time we were apart for more than a few days, my anxiety would creep back up on me. To be honest, I couldn’t really live in the moment when he wasn’t there with me because I was always wishing that he was. And when we broke up after almost 5 years of being together, I felt like my whole world was crashing down on me.

The easy thing would have been to distract myself after my break up by talking to other guys and dating other people, but I knew deep down that it wouldn’t fix the real issue. The real issue was that I didn’t fully love myself and feel whole on my own, and until I fixed that issue I’d just keep attracting the same situations into my life. So I committed to solely focusing on myself and my journey towards falling in love with ME. It’s been the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do in my life, and to be honest I never knew if the sad feeling in the pit of my stomach would ever be healed. I never knew if it was actually true that you could feel whole on your own, but I knew that it was worth the try. I never knew how long it would take me to heal, or if I ever would, but I focused on healing everyday anyways.

I can now say, thanks to God, that I finally know what it feels like to be fully happy and whole on my own, and let me tell you…it feels absolutely incredible! In fact, I feel better than I have in my whole entire life. And to be honest, I can’t even explain or understand how I got here; I was just sitting in my car the other day and started crying from how thankful I was because I realized I finally made it.

So what does this feeling feel like exactly and why is it so important? When you feel truly whole from within, you don’t feel an emptiness inside or like something is missing. You just have this innate trust in God that everything is working out in your favor and that all is well and good. You don’t find the need to impress people or change yourself to get approval from others because you know that your enough just as you are, and that the right people will see that. You start speaking up for yourself instead of hiding how you feel. You stop dimming yourself to make others feel less intimidated and you start to shine. You don’t feel the need to go out searching for a partner because you know that they will find you when the time is right. You are genuinely happy for others who are in a loving relationship. You don’t feel like there is someone out there who will “complete you” or “save you”, but you know that your perfect partner will be one who simply adds to all that you already are and make life just a little bit more fun. You will no longer be scared of being alone because you love your own company and know that when the time is right, you will attract someone amazing into your life who matches your energy. You will stop accepting less than you deserve and won’t even be attracted to the things you once put up with anymore. You will understand the meaning of true & unconditional love, which doesn’t come from needing someone or wanting someone to be yours, but rather from loving someone just the way they are, and being okay with the fact that they might never be yours. You will be able to love with more freedom and less fear, with more real love and less attachment. Patience will be easy for you simply because you don’t feel like anything is missing in your life. You will simply wake up in the morning and have this beautiful feeling in your core that everything is perfect, just the way it is in this very moment. You also won’t ever settle for anything less than you deserve, and you know that whatever is coming will be worth the wait.

If you never force yourself to go through the struggle and the pain and isolation it takes to finally get to the point of feeling whole on your own, you will never attract the relationship, friends, job, or life you truly want and deserve; I believe that with everything I have. If you think that you “need” someone else to make you happy, then you will put up with a lot less than you deserve. You will also find yourself chasing a temporary feeling that won’t exist for long. Other people can feel your energy, even if they don’t realize it consciously, and they will be repelled by your neediness. You also will experience love through an ego mindset, which means you will love someone else based on what they can do for you rather than simply loving them for who they are. You will expect the other person to “cure” you and “complete” you, which honestly places them on an impossible pedestal and places a ton of pressure on them. You will find yourself trying to be someone your not just to get approval from others, whether that be from friends, coworkers, or partners. You will put others before yourself. You will live through fear- fear of being alone, fear of being abandoned, fear of not being good enough, fear of not being worthy of love. You will never experience that blissful moment of pure trust- trust in God, trust that everything is working out in your favor, and trust that the best is yet to come. Simply put, you won’t ever truly be happy no matter how many amazing things you have externally. And truly, your outer reality won’t ever look the way you want it to for long because your inner reality isn’t reflective of that.

If you are currently single and feel like you need someone else to complete you, I strongly encourage you to look within and heal that hole you’ve had for so long. Connect with God daily, cry every day if you need to, and spend time doing things that you enjoy. Don’t chase anyone or anything, but instead chase your happiness. Chase self- love. Chase Joy. Chase God. Eventually, that hole within you will be filled and you will wonder how you ever lived with that emptiness inside of you. And it will be the greatest day of your life.

Sending you so much love, happiness, and abundance <3