I’m not writing this post because I like talking about this subject. I’m not writing this post because it’s easy or therapeutic. I’m writing this post solely because I want to remind anyone out there who is struggling with OCD, anxiety, or any other mental illness, that they are not alone, and that it is nothing to be ashamed of.
When most people think of OCD, they automatically picture someone who is obsessed with cleaning and making sure everything is perfectly clean and germ free; even though this is the case for some, for most people with OCD, this couldn’t be farther from the truth. There are so many different forms of OCD, and most sufferers don’t spend hours cleaning their room. As well, it is much much more complicated than just this. For OCD sufferers who are obsessed with cleaning, this is just a compulsion, meaning a continuous action they do to try and escape from their tormenting thoughts. I, personally, struggle with purely obsessional OCD, meaning that I don’t have compulsions, I simply deal with the obsessive thoughts.
Purely obsessional OCD pretty much is what it sounds like – constantly having obsessional thoughts. Most of the time these are negative, disturbing thoughts that are hard to get rid of and can cause you to become depressed or have anxiety. Most people can think of a thought, let it go, and go on with their day, but for people with OCD, a simple thought can turn into hours, days, and even years of obsessional thinking; It can also be thought of as a constant fear of the unknown or the “doubting disease”. I have had my share of experiences with OCD and I have learned that it’s something that never really goes away or can be “cured”, but it’s something that can be managed and takes constant work to do so.
I might look like someone that constantly has their life together, but that couldn’t be farther from the truth; I have worked insanely hard day after day in order to get to the point in my life that I am in right now, and I still work insanely hard every single day. My OCD used to simply consume me. For about two years of my life I honestly wasn’t living because I was so consumed with my thoughts. With every step I took, from picking an outfit to wear to picking out what to have for lunch, it felt like a constant battle with my mind- no matter how big or small the decision, no choice was right. My mind was always filled with tormenting thoughts, which attacked the person I was so much that I almost lost myself.
It’s not easy to describe what OCD feels like, but it’s pretty much like an ongoing battle with your mind- it can ruin the best moments of your life, it can tire the life out of you, it can completely debilitate you, or it can make you stronger.
I wouldn’t wish OCD ,or anxiety in general, on anyone and sometimes I wish more than anything that there was a magic pill that could take it all away forever, but if I had to go back and start my life all over again, I wouldn’t change a thing. If it wasn’t for my OCD, I would never have decided to become a nutritionist. It was at my deepest, darkest moment that I decided to take control of my situation the natural way and started to heal myself through meditation, yoga, healthy food, stress reduction, and an overall lifestyle change; I disconnected myself from toxic relationships, surrounded myself with positive people, took time to focus on myself and the things I love, and slowly changed my mindset. It was at this point of my life that I realized I wanted to help people who were struggling with the same thing as me (or struggling in any other aspect mentally) heal themselves the natural way.
Living with OCD has also taught me that our thoughts don’t make us who we are- it’s what we do with them, and what we do about them that matters most. What you think, you will become, and we all have the power to change our mindset for the better. It is not easy, and it’s never going to be, but it’s SO worth the daily effort in order to become the person we want to be and achieve the life we deserve to have.
I have come a long way from two years ago and the girl I once was, but I am still facing an ongoing battle and am constantly striving to be better than the person I was yesterday. I am not perfect, and will always have my fair share of ups and downs, but that is what makes life so beautiful, and without all of these ups and downs, I would never continue to grow. My OCD certainly doesn’t define who I am, but it has made me stronger in so many ways and in many ways has changed my life for the better; it forces me to fight towards a better version of myself every single day, no matter what the voices in my head tell me.
So for anyone of you struggling out there, never ever give up the fight- it is always worth it! And feel free to always reach out to me for support
xx
Rachel